It feels different this time.

As my birthday approached, a quiet heaviness settled in my heart. I found myself thinking of my father more than ever. On every occasion, I remember him, but today, the longing feels deeper. Today is my birthday, and I miss him a little more.

Through him, I saw the world.

He raised me, cared for me, protected me every single day until his last breath. He used to say that he would always be with me, even after he passes away. I hold onto those words now more than ever.

This birthday is different. It is my first birthday without him.

I don’t know what he felt years ago when he first saw me. When he held me for the very first time… what thoughts crossed his mind? What dreams did he have for me?

I never asked him these things when he was with me all this time. And now, I feel this deep urge to talk to him, to ask him about so many things I should have asked when I still had him beside me.

But one thing I know for sure. On that day, he took an oath in his heart to protect me for the rest of his life. And he kept that promise.

Even during the pain of his illness, he worried about me. He wanted to see me, to be with me. That love never changed, not even in his hardest moments.

As I write this, tears roll down my face.

The pain is real.

The absence is real.

I miss my father every single day. But today, I feel it more deeply. The absence of the man who is the reason I came into this world.There is a void now, one that will never truly be filled. It doesn’t fade, it grows quietly over time.

But I hold onto faith. InshaAllah, I will meet him again one day. Until then, I carry his love with me in everything I am and everything I will become.

“My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.” – Qur’an 17:24